Having sex over 40 and low libido

sex over 40 and low libido

A healthy relationship heightens sex.

At this stage in life, we women know what we want, how we want it and when we want it. We have been through the trenches, have fought the fight and have emerged on the other side in one piece. There have been relationships, sex partners and one-night stands, all with the intention of having sex. This was before our fabulous 40’s. Some women have found themselves experiencing sex over 40 and low libido. You have found that things have changed and things don’t work the same. Things are not feeling the same or looking the same. Let’s dive into this matter and figure the mystery out.

LOW LIBIDO and sex over 40 need discussion

As it was, In the eyes of men,  there was never a need for women to enjoy sex. Women were created to give them pleasure and bear children. So, once the female’s body starts changing when 40 appears and perimenopausal years kick in these changes will start. The need for sex has become less and less, what use to turn you on is now putting you to sleep. Now, you are wondering what is going on. You start to blame your lack of sex drive on stress, anxiety, and overwork.

 In reality, it is called low libido and many women in their mid-life are affected by it. This is a decrease in the need for speed or the need for sex. The body’s desire zone has a malfunction and not a lot has been done to help the situation. Women seem complicated with all their other issues like periods, to childbirth and to menopause. There has been no priority to facilitate them and their low sex drive. For men, they are less likely to suffer from much life related sexual misgiving, and if he did….Oh boy, he’s got Viagra.

The “Kill Joy” that causes low sex drive in women:

sex over 40 and low libido

-Lack of body confidence

-An irritating spouse

_Excessive alcohol intake

_Depression and anxiety

-The relationship has gone south

-Physical Illness


There are several causes listed here and there are many more. It has been proven that one of the main causes of low libido in women stems from low self-esteem. If you don’t love your body, then there is no way you are going to be comfortable sharing it with someone. Having a partner that loves and appreciate you and your body is the first step in helping you fall in love with it. You won’t be as apprehensive in sharing your body and in turn being pleasured. This one thing can change how you deem sex and your desire can increase.

Know where the problem lies

The selfish partner- As crazy as it sounds, many times one partner is oblivious to their partner’s sexual needs. They make it all about them and their satisfaction.

Fast pitcher Partner- The partner that doesn’t know how to carry on in bed. They get in bed and it is ‘slam-bam, thank you, ma’am’. It’s down and out.

Hit or miss partner- This partner thinks they know it all. Won’t take advice or instructions. They get in bed thinking they are the greatest at what they do however, they miss the mark which can be rather frustrating.

Take me as I am a partner- the partner that goes around looking homeless. Scruffy looking takes no pride in their appearance and getting into bed with torn discolored draws. This is a turn-off, but they make it seem like you are the one with the problem.

The wind blower- The partner that expects you to be in the mood to get jiggy right after they crack a loud smelly fart under the sheets. This is a major turn off.

What Else is there

Sometimes there could be other distractions in the horizon, like a love interest. A relationship may have run its course and the couple is still handing on. Then one partner finds a love interest and is no longer interested in sex with the other person. It is not that they have low libido, they just don’t want to have sex with that partner.

In many instances, people are looked upon or think they have low libido however, before coming to that conclusion the relationship must be observed and take into consideration. People are always trying to find the easy way out. There is a lot of toxicity in a relationship that must be confronted and work on for it to be balanced.

Sex over 40 and low libido

 having sex over 40 and low libido
communication is the key to strengthening a relationship.

It is important that low libido and being over 40 doesn’t mean that enjoyable sex is over for you. Your time of having real enjoyable sex has just begun, it’s time to get in the saddle and learn to handle your business. There are couples living like brothers and sisters but sleeping in the same bed. If this is you, get the cobwebs off you and rekindle the relationship…only if you still love the person. It makes no sense trying to bring dead horseback…move on. But if the love is still there and all you need is a jump start on romance, go for it.

A conversation needs to take place so, you are both on the same page. You both need to remember why you fell in love, what that feeling was, and do you want to experience it again. Start small doing romantic things for each other and build upon it as time goes. Start exploring each other, find out their likes and what turns them on. It may have been years you are together, and people change, and expectation does also.

Couples should spend time communicating and updating each other where they are, what has changed and what they need out of the relationship. Sometimes a few sessions with a therapist is all it needs for relationship discovery and get the saddle being used again.

What does Menopause have to do with low libido?

First, not every woman that goes through menopause experience a low sex drive. This occurs when the estrogen and testosterone decrease in the body. The body is then not able to secrete the love juices. Therefore, leading to vaginal dryness and tightness and that comes with pain.

There are things that can be done to alleviate the effects of menopause

It is important to feel comfortable speaking to your doctor about menopause, low libido, and anything else that is affecting you. Depending on what is causing your low sex drive, your doctor can do the over the counter route or prescription medication. It is up to you to incorporate other methods to achieve your objective.

Hormone Replacement Therapy HRT

If there has been a major reduction in estrogen level and vaginal dryness and vaginal atrophy is a problem, HRT may be a solution. However, it is important to get the facts straight on this. There has been controversy on HRT so do your research and speak to your doctor before making any decision.

Start Exercising

Exercising must not feel like work. This to get the body moving and producing good chemicals like endorphins and lose or maintain weight. Endorphins are the ‘feel-good’ chemical that helps put you in a healthier mental state. Losing weight will help you appreciate and love your body more.

Bring on the Lubricant

lubricate your way to loving
bring in some romance with scented candles

Vaginal dryness leads to uncomfortable sex and uncomfortable sex leads to no sex. K_Y jelly and other reputable brands can alleviate the harsh reality of dry sex and diminish the thought of low libido.

Open the Line of Communication

Let’s get the conversation going on intimacy and transparency with your partner.  It’s important to talk about the issues that are at hand and be honest. Don’t think its only sex that can change or affect low libido, intimacy plays a great part. Get back to hugging, cuddling, kissing and whispering sweetness in their ear. Doing these things regularly can pull couples closer to experience hyper-intimacy.

Kegel or the Pelvic Floor Exercise

Because of menopause the vagina muscle was can become loosey goosey and sex is not as enjoyable. Kegel or pelvic floor exercises if done correctly will tighten the pelvic muscles, therefore, enhancing the sensation. Learn the Kegel exercise here.

Visual Stimulants

Sometimes the need for visual stimulant is all a relationship needs to add some spice to it. Watch some porn, get naughty or read a sleazy book. A lot of women get turned on by using their brains.

Bring in the Professional

When all else fails, seek professional help. Many times, it will take a therapist or counselor to guide you through the effects of menopause and low libido.


Low libido because of menopause has been a way of life for women for many years. It ‘s being pulled to the forefront and being addressed because women are coming forward to speak their truth. It is important to seek out the true cause of low libido in order to treat it correctly. There are many forms of treatments available depending on the severity of the issues. Having low libido and sex over 40 is attainable with understanding both issues.

Fabufit woman


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1 Response

  1. germain Johnson says:

    wow very interesting. although my relationship and my partner is younger than 40 but she is not that far off and neither do i. so i find this blog very interesting,informative and useful